Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
