It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dear god my vagina.
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