so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
