I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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