Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
