he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
