I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
