I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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