this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
