Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
