You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
