addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
