my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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