Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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