someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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