No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
