apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
