i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
