if i can run in heels then i can drive
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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