bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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