The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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