Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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