Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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