well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
