Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
