I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
someone owes me an orgasm
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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