Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
