im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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