need another drink. this is the easiest way
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
