A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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