Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just cropdusted the office
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
