I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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