I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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