I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
