White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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