you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
