Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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