her vagina looked like bernie madoff
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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