i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
