You made me cry and you don't even care
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
