you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
