i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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