God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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