I want to have your abortion
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
