your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
