no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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