Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
