Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
how drunk are you?
Several
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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