I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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