i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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