Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
