What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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