I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
