what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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