they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
