im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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