I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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