I accidentally burped into my bong.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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