I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
