never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize