Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
