Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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