Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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